:)

Still writing blogs, just not using this blog site anymore.

found one that is compatable with my blackberry.

if you still want to keep up with my blogs you can catch me at.

May still use this one now and again.

www.ashapatrice.tumblr.com

Enlightenment.

Last couple weeks have been kind of crazy, the time first i actually i don't feel tired. Lets update, what have i actually been doing, while about 2 weeks ago, i was doing my A2 music perfromance exam, which i think went very well, very proud of myself, singing my little heart out like that :) LOL.
Last week, i went on a trip to Poland, I bet your thinking why the F**K are you going to poland, thats what everyone seems to ask me. It was a trip about the holocaust, We went to visit Auschwitz - looking at the concentration camps. I must say it was a very amazing trip. It is said that you don't really get the full effect of something until you actually see it.
I have always had a interest in the holocaust just cause it was such a tragic event that you hear about all the time and you see films and stuff which brings you to tears, and there are just always parts that you just don't understand.
It gives you some knowledge, and the question that seemed to reply in my head as i was walking through these concentration camps was HOW FAR ARE PEOPLE REALLY WILLING TO GO?

Think about, how sick in the head do you have to be, to think about killing a person, But to kill a whole race for what reason? because they are who they are. It just really puts things is persepctive. As i was walking past rooms full of womens hair, and shoes and baby's clothes. Why reck all these peoples lifes? So many questions, but there is no one to really answer. there is no actually justification to why any of this happened. but then this argument could be about anything? Take slavery. It just doesn't make sense.
Have you ever sat in class and just looked around the class room and wonder what is going to become of the people you sit with? the person on the right of you could be your next president, were as the person on the left could be a serial killer.

The other thing i ask is, Would you actually do anything if you were in a similar situation? Would you try and help someone or speak up about it being wrong or will you sit back and ignore that anything even happened? This kind of goes back to what i was saying in a previous blog about people being so individulistic only thinking about there selfs, but i wonder if this situation was brought to peoples attention would they really sit back and let it just happen. Hmmmm. have a think about that.

"There were many ways of not burdening one's conscience, of shunning responsibility, looking away, keeping mum. When the unspeakable truth of the Holocaust then became known at the end of the war, all too many of us claimed that they had not known anything about it or even suspected anything." - Richard von Weizsaecker

So i have done my recital and now its the exam, wish me luck :)

It comes to the point were nothing seems to change, and you have been in a place so long that its really time to get up and just move on. I think that finally hit me today.

when things became so ridiculous that it was like, is this what life has actually turned to. These last couple of days really have just not been my days, i was happy and that it is just slowly fading away.

To notice how a world has become so individualistic that the consideration of others doesn't seem to matter anymore. This world hass taken on such a post-modern view of life, that the 'helping each other out' statement has literally gone out of the window.

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 - 1950)

4 months.

Wow. I can actuallly say its been forever lol.

4 months to go.
1. Exams should be over.
2. I Finally finish college
3. My 18th woohooo!

So much seeems to be happening in my life, and all in the next 4 months and i actually can't wait. Just want to be set free. Have fun. No worries. :)
I'm turning 18 and i'm sort of happy, at the moment it just feels like another age, allowing me to do abit more. hmmmm. Am i ment to be excited ?? I guess sooo.
I'm just looking forwardd to the presents. He he he

What can i say life so far has been quite good for me, you know people have had there ruff patches but who doesn't ha. :)
What i have found myself doing so much recently is just watching films, and getting updated with all these new films. I found myself watching a film called 'My sisters keeper', now for those who haven't seen this film i recommened it to anyone. It is truly amazing, the story the way it is put together, I actually had to clap for this film. I was also crying my eyes out. LOL. Oh to get the many concept of the film its about a girl dying form cancer, and how her little sister was genetically constructedto save her, i don't want to give anyway the whole story i just think everyone should watch it.
But yeah, i just find myself doing really simple things, no clubbing or extremly drunk nights, just staying in being lazy enjoy a book or a film and feeling satisfied. Who ever said you needed to go out to have fun hey.

At the moment i see myself as growing, becoming a young adult. Learning the tricks and trades of being all grown up as the say. Even though alot of people think i look like 14 (what an insult lol) But, i never thought growing up could be so hard. But i'll live:)

I have been thinking whether or not to get a blackberry? Everyone says get a iphone, but i don't want a touch screen, If iphone had a qwerty keypad then i would. But i want a phone with a qwerty keypad. Has anyone got any suggestions for phones????? (would be a massive help!)

I'm going to try and make sure it doesn't take me forever to right another blog :) x

Other side.

When looking through a window everything seems so perfect, until you notice the sky turning gray or litter on the floor, and that view doesn't seem so perfect anymore. The happy feeling that you felt, you wanting to be one of those people walking by, feeling free. Wanting to the person on the other side of the window, with someone looking at you wishing they could be you. But no your trapped, trapped in an empty room, with four walls and a window and all you can do is look out of it and wish and hope you could be on the other side.

One to Ten.

You start at 1, then you get to like 7 and then get knocked back down to one again. why create a 10 if there is no possible way to reach it. Then there is always the view not to let you be knocked back down to 1. but how is that possible, there is always going to be something or someone knocking people down. i believe people have occupations in doing this. they actually get paid to just knock people down, once they reach like 7 - 8.
but then do you give up, and just stay at 1, or do you try agian, knowing that you may never see 10. Knowing that life, has losed of people paid to knock you back down to 10. mmm.

Mayb i'm just going crazy again lol. i seem to do that alot.

I haven't written something in a while, i believe i need to get my throughts clear and in order.
But i feel a new me is in order. I have a great boyfriend, and life seems to be only looking up form here.
Maybe a make over is in order, change of hair, maybe dye it...i just feel to start a fresh. feel fresh. Maybe you could give me your opinion...i just feell old and boring at the morning. i need to grow up, feel better.

2:38 in the morning.

How can a simple joke, change your emotions completly. Make you feel ugly, and pathetic. Make you doubt everything that you have been told, and felt. Make you doubt the person and there true meanings. Why does it hurt so much? Could it be because you your feelings for this person are true.

I have had the same song on repeat for about 4-5 hours now, and i still don't feel better. I feel the most unbeautiful than i have every felt in my life, not that i have ever felt beautiful. When have you actually felt beautiful, or been called it, and believed it?

Emotions.

A child was born

A child was born
But no one knows about it
Like an alien this child was
A birth that had never been recorded.
Exterminated at birth
Heart evacuated rejected
A Rainbow with no colours
Walking through skies as lifeless as a corpse
To find liberty I treasure
Her hands and feet decayed
As she crawls bruising her corrupted knees
Her phobias and polluted skin can’t wipe away
Harmonizing a tune to keep her comfort
Wishing I was a home for her to launch her knew life
Head filled with demoralization
Like an asylum sentenced to death.
Between learning how to read and write and taking care of herself
Knowing life isn’t easy
So she picks up her sprit and reconstructs her heart
Stripping of the old layer and seeing a new one
Not feeling bitter inside anymore
She still looks for the prize, never found retracing her steps so it could be drawn back
Things like that, without a source
Could never be found
Always hiding the burrow in her heart
Life was so unfurnished back then
How does she restore and heart so narrow
If not by love, then in hurt
Let her be the truth
Let’s not tell a lie
Like her unloved heart
A child was born
But no one knows about it.

I wrote this poem ages ago, but at the moment i'm going through a mood of mixed emotions, not really sure whats up or down at the moment. feeling kind of forgotten about. But then the reason for thi sudden emotion i don't know, why all of a sudden, i feel used and abandon. oh well, ill get over it i hope.

You will probably not understnad this blog, but your not ment to, your just ment to listen.
　

People today

Okay, now i've just been on facebook and like that picture of that guy bowcatting that girl is like all over facebook, and yeah its funny and in a way its wrong to be published on facebook like that, like what you do in your own time is your business. but what i dont understand is the deal people are making over.

Why do people blow sex and oral sex completly out of portion. Like this country and the attitudes of people is just a joke. So its something out of the social norm and everything becomes taboo. I don't understand how people live it this box, not expressing them selfs and being themselfs. Following this stucture so you don't seem different. Last time i checked being different was a good thing, being yourself was a good thing. Sticking to the sturcture of what everyone else wants you to be, is not going to make you a leader, its not going to help you in life. Be a leader not a bloody sheep.

But anyway back to the picture. The guy is pleasing his girlfriend (or whatever the chick is to him), explain to me why everyone is getting so excited over it. Like you haven't seen porn or you have never heard of the words oral sex before. Your not stupid. No one is telling you to go do it yourself. And another thing, half of them boys cussing the guy, do it themself but they are too scared to admit it cause of what people might say, but keep it up cause there is a thing called karma, and when a girl does that to you, it will be a different story. The guy is not getting ratings cause he is bowcating the girl, but if he was having sex with her, all you gus would be giving him ratings how funny, and if the girl was giving him head you would be giving he rating hahahahaha.
People really make me laugh.

I just don't understand why sex, is blown so out of portion, and all these names people get called, because they have it. it just scary to know how many close minded people there are in the world. But i had to wirte this blog cause, i actually feel sorry for the guy.

Im Back.

Back to blogging, writing down whats on my mind, and my birds eye view of the world. How fun :)
So i guess i should start of with introducing myself again, I'm the wierd crazy kid, and i'm happy being that way.
I've just turned 17 about month ago, wait we still in july aren't we :S well ruffly a month ago.
I'm his devotee <3 .
My life i could say is almost on the standard of great, but i still a job is required, so i can get that monthly income.

Reading my blogs you will never properly understand me, but you might be able to relate to certain topics, subjects and emotions that i put forward. Me writing this is a way to express what, maybe only makes sense through writing. Words can create such art and beauty, and create a comfort for a person. So keep following and reading, i hope you like.

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." - Aldous Huxley

AshaPatrice; xoxo